What are You Paying Attention To?
During the Stress Management workshops that I run, I ask my audience to look around the room and notice what’s blue. Then I ask them to close their eyes, and with their eyes firmly shut, I ask them to tell me what they noticed that was red. This set of blue/red lenses is similar to the bad/good lenses in relationships. Once we’ve tunneled our view, we’ve skewed our observations about another person. So how do we bring about balance? Try some of the techniques listed below.
Photo - Creative Commons (Ross Websdale “Red and blue light through wine glass”)
Your Next Best Steps
- For every negative judgment you have of someone, push yourself to find three good things (since negatives last longer and loom bigger than positives, the 1:3 negative:positive ratio is helpful).
- If you’re prone to judgment (and most of us are!), whenever you judge someone negatively use this 3-prong approach to neutralize your thoughts: 1) In what way is this person better than me? 2) In what way am I better than this person? And, 3) In what way are we the same? Thus you acknowledge, but quickly move through, the blue/bad, red/good, and blue&red/same lenses.
- Remember that there is a nugget of good in the worst of us; and, a nugget of bad in the best of us – be sure that you find the nuggets!